PoTC: Curse of the Make up Brush
by DarksideHasCookies
Summary: A parody of Curse of the Black Pearl, in which Will is a he-she, no one remembers Elizabeth's name and every one loves Jack... inspired by Johnny Depp wearing eyeliner... read and enjoy!


Disclamer I don't own any POTC characters etc, yadda yadda, only this sad plot, which I can assure you wil get better in time…

I started this story a long-long time ago, under the name "bob-the-bear." Then I abandoned fanfiction for a while, and when I got back I couldn't remember my password. So I've started up a new account, and decided to revise and continue this story. Here is the new and improved version, inspired by Johnny Depp wearing eyeliner… hehe. Enjoy!

Disclamer I don't own any POTC characters etc, yadda yadda.

**Scene 1 (Elizabeth's Dream)**

Young Elizabeth: _standing at the bow of a ship and singing_ …we wear ladies corsets that come with our loot. Make-up me pansies yo ho! We're fashion disasters and don't give a hoot. Make-up me pansies yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me. We steal makeup cases then use the most garish shades of eye shadow and _Elizabeth starts turning blue from lack of air _blush-to-use on our-victims-to-the-point-even-your-mother-in-law-would-shudder-and-then-force-them-to-look-in-a-mirror-at-which-point-they-either-faint-or-wet-themselves-from-sheer-terror. _Elizabeth takes a huge breath. _Make-up – _Gibbs_ _puts his hand on her shoulder which surprises her. She starts to swear, but breaks off choking as she gets a whiff of his imitation designer perfume. _

Gibbs: Quiet, missy, cursed make-up pirates sail these waters. You don't want to bring them down on us now, do ya? You know what they'll do to ya? They'll cover your pretty face with vile colors of lipstick, and –

Norrington: Mr. Gibbs that will do!

Gibbs: She was singing about pirates. And a poor song at that! The last line didn't even have the proper amount of syllables! Bad luck to be singing about make-up pirates with us mired in this unnatural fog that looks like blush. Mark my words.

Norrington: Consider them marked with eyeshadow. On your way.

Gibbs: Aye, Lieutenant. It's bad luck to have a woman on board, too, even a miniature one.

Young Elizabeth: I think it'd be rather exciting to meet a pirate.

Norrington: Think again, Miss Shakespeare. Vile and –

Young Elizabeth: My name is Miss SWANN!!

Norrington: What ever, just let me say this rather boring line that surves no purpose!! OR ELSE!! Now, where was I ….. oh yeah, think again, Miss Sandra. Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them. I intend to see to that any man who sails under a pirate flag or wears pirate make up gets what he deserves – a short drop and a sudden stop. _Elizabeth_ _glances at Gibbs_ _who mimes a hanging _

Governor Swann: Lieutenant Norrington, I appreciate your fervor. But I'm…I'm concerned about the effect this subject will have upon my daughter.

Norrington: My apologies, Governor Swann.

Young Elizabeth: Actually, I find it all fascinating.

Governor Swann: Yes, that's what concerns me.

Young Elizabeth: _sees a make up box and then a piece of wreckage with a boy on it in the water_ Look, a boy! There's a boy in the water! And why the hell does he have neon green eye shadow on? Has the word "neon" even been invented yet? _A freak waterspout comes out of the water and washes Elizabeth overboard, leaving the rest of the ship untouched. She climbs back on board spluttering angrily. She shakes her fist at the sky. _Fine, if that's what the author wants me to say, I'll say it. I want a pay rise…

Norrington: Pansy overboard! Fetch a Hook! Haul it aboard. _They get him on board_ The he-she is still breathing.

Gibbs: _spots burning ship_ Mary, Sister of God!

Governor Swann: Gibbs, she's the MOTHER of God!!

Gibbs: Huh??

Governor Swann: oh, never mind… What happened here?

Norrington: It's most likely the powder magazine. Merchant vessels run heavily armed.

Gibbs: A lot of good it did them. And look at the state of that he-she! Everyone's thinking it; I'm just saying it – pirates!

Governor Swann: There's no proof of that. It was probably an accident. The child probably just got into it's mother's makeup case unsupervised.

Norrington: Rouse the Captain immediately! Heave to and take in sail, launch the boats.

Governor Swann: Sarah, I want you to accompany the boy. He'll be in your charge. Take care of him. _She groans, and smacks her forehead_

Young Elizabeth: My name is ELIZABETH!!

Governor Swann: What?? Who are you and what have you done to my daughter?? And why are you so wet? _Young Elizabeth checks no one is looking and hits her father over the head with a bottle, shoves him to the side and walks over to the young Will_

Young Elizabeth: _Will awakes, grabbing her wrist_ It's ok. My name's…. woah, you're adorable! Love the make up... oh, right…my name. Uh…Sarah, I mean Elizabeth Swann.

Young Will: Now I am supposed to stutter, I don't know why, but I will anyway. _stutters in real terror as the waterspout reappears and hovers threateningly next to the boat… I mean ship _W-W-Will Turner.

Young Elizabeth: I'm watching over you, Will. _Will faints at the thought_ ich, how girly… though I guess it adds to the whole he-she charm. This way fanfic writers will have their choice in making him gay with the hots for Jack Sparrow, or boyish and desperately in love with me… _She starts going through his pockets, finds orange eyeliner with a pirate skull engraved on it _You're a make up pirate. Sweet!! I think I'll be keeping this!! _Hides it when Norrington approaches_

Norrington: Has the little bastard- I mean pansy, I mean… umm… has he-she said anything?

Young Elizabeth: It's name is William Turner, that's all I found out. He's yummy!! And girly too…

Norrington: What?? _Elizabeth shrugs_ hmm…. _to sailors_ Good…. Take him below.

_Elizabeth_ _studies the eyeliner close, is about to put some on, and upon looking in her pocket mirror, sees a ship with the black flag flying at its mast in the reflection. She pokes herself in the eye in surprise, and closes her eyes in pain. _

_End dream _


End file.
